Views:363 | By: Lenah She was happy
She was a dreamer
She hoped
She didn't hide behind smiles or fake laughs
She explored
She was spontaneous
Her eyes shone with joy and hope
About 10 months ago while I was at work and we were heading to an awarding ceremony one of my coworkers said to me and I quote " You are so happy too peaceful. It can't be real" my response was "I am and it's because of Jesus, you should try Him sometime" At the moment I was genuinely happy and at Peace
That is the me, I miss.
Now when I look at the mirror I see a person lost in the "I am behind, I am not enough" narrative. Her eyes are hollow, her confidence shattered, her voice masked, her hopes broken, her dreams untrasable. I don't know who I am and I keep asking over and over again Who Am I? Because I don't know.
The current me is fearful and coiled back. She can't afford to dream because it feels far fetched or unrealistic. She knows that's not how it's supposed to be but she can't help it.
She wants better
She wants out of this pain
I cry or hold back tears constantly. I hide behind I am okay when I'm not.
Growing up was supposed to "free" us but oh well...
I hope you are not missing the old you like me but if you are, just know we are going to be okay eventually. And hopefully our future selves will be healthy, content and at peace.